Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
