If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
