If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
