I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
