Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
