if i can run in heels then i can drive
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
