please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
