I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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