How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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