thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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