Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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