There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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