i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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