now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
