he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
