You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
