pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
