The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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