I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sober January is a disaster.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
