I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
