he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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