I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
