You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
