My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
