Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
should my penis look like a turkey
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
