My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
