I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
