i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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