I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
