Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
