apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
