i permit you to call me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
