Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
