OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
