i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
