i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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