i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
not ubering you a puppy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
