so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
