oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
