I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
