I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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