I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize