Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
