from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
