It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
