me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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