Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My dick has a subreddit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize