so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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