Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
