I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
