dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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