I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
