Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
