You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
