one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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