he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
