if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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