I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
