so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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