I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
