so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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