I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
