she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I did not marry a roomba.
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