I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
