i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
