ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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