I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
