Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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