She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
