We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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