babies were throwing up all over the place
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
