my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
