Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
