Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
