they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
