he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
