I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
