I have demons in me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
