words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
