And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
