We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
