I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
