Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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