Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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