He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
