Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
