She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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