I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
