I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
