New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
