We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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