so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
